Not being able to react as normal or speak as honestly as you would usually, leaves
This is no way to live,much less build a friendship,relationship or otherwise.
When the censorship stops.....
of being brought about from anger or fear or confusion.
When the censorship stops
The pain is still there ,but you know why.
You can see that the censorship was the barrier that you couldn't cross any longer.
When the censorship stops
You can.....
breathe again .
Censorship sucks. That's one of the reasons I started a blog -- to find a place for the voice within. It was very painful to feel unheard and cut off.
ReplyDeleteI saw your other post (that you may have unpublished -- hopefully you still have it because it was beautiful writing) about feeling cut off. That's the worst feeling in the world and I am so sorry for this. I wish circumstances were different. I know what it feels like to wonder if what you were experiencing suddenly takes on different meaning. It's extremely painful. I do also know that the truth you two shared existed and cannot be taken away even if fear and discomfort have leveled these feelings into different realms for both of you.
I started reading a book on the science of human attachment called "Attached" and it mentions why people throw up walls. That it has to do with suddenly being scared, and is a reflection on them and their history and not you as a person. It feels like rejection but is not. I recommend this book for reading because it helped me understand the last time I felt in your shoes and could barely breathe it hurt so bad.
Know that whatever difficulties are present, it's not about you. It's their inadequate way of dealing with their life. It no more reflects your shared experience then it would had your running partner broken a leg and was no longer able to run with you.
Sending support and hugs.